Give a hug to your damn mommy today. Call her or something. Show the woman who squeezed you out of her taint for 12 hours that you appreciate the excruciating pain and irreparable damage that your humongous noodle caused to her body. Your lopsided body destroyed her stuffens dude. You suck. You could have just easily glided out of the canal but no you had to do it the hard way. You had to go kicking and screaming. You’re not a gift, you’re a bomb!

Because of your punk ass your mommy doesn’t let daddy touch her anymore. You should be proud of yourself. How could you be so selfish! Damn you… *wipes single thug tear* damn you… Daddy got needs you needy mofo.

For all of you baby mumma’s out there, if you’re still fine, holla at a zillaman. I’m kidding. I know you’re still fine ladies. I’ll take ya worrisome bad ass son to see Speed Racer, I’m kidding. I ain’t taking your bad ass kids anywhere but to the police. Call their deadbeat ass daddy’s up. Karl Malone ass nyuggas. But mumma, I’ll buy you an apple martini as long as you wear those christian louboutin’s that I like with the freak ‘em dress. No big panties…

That goes for you unbabied-up ladies too.

And for your Mr. Moms out there…you’re appreciated as well nyugga. You get dap.

And to my mommy, I love you mommy!!!! We going to Sizzler tonight!!!!